i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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