I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
