Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
