That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
