3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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