Buhtt sex?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
