think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sext me about skeletons
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
