haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize