I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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