i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
