I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
