Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
