who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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