remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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