I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
