So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
