The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
