Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
