Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
