Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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