the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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