Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
