I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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