listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you inspire me to be a worse person
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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