why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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