I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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