So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
