I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
