Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
