There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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