Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
