this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
