please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
