he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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