shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
