He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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