pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
