Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
