I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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