I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
