you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
