Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
