nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
