If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
