im about as happy as oj after his trial
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
