i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
