My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
