is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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