i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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