have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
where are my eyebrows?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
