Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
