last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
how drunk are you?
Several
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
