we're blogging at a bar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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