it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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