So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
