Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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