I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
