I just saw a hot homeless man
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
