we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
