My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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