Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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