these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
