so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
