This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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