I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
