i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
