Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
