dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...