Don't you send me to vm
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
