I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
