why didn't you poke me back
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
