pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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