Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
