Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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