So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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